The Train Driver

You keep odd hours
Like a Metro train driver
I: Conquered my fears
Went down the stairs
Got on the subway
Climbed into the very first car
Just so I could get a glimpse of you
Just so I could get to glance at you
And know that you were really real
I'd heard your voice from time to time
And you seemed very kind.

From behind I knew you could feel me
Peering into your soul
But you didn't lose control
You just kept me directed
Where I needed to be headed.
And you looked back long enough to see
An embarassed, in love me
And you loved me all the same
So don't you dare try to forget
All we claimed we knew.

I only ride the Metro for you.

It's kind of crazy, just a little bit, I guess. But I like it enough. I like it enough to have it memorized now. It's pretty. Think like "I only ride the Metro for you." or, rather, "I only face my fears to get close to you." I dunno. Sweet, charming, romantic, but entirely mad. A girl who's in love with a train driver she's not even sure exists, but, she keeps trying so that one day she'll meet him. And she's certain that all her trying will add up, and he'll love her as well. I dunno what makes me write poetry anymore. It doesn't always fit exactly into the mold of what I feel or experience, only a little, but I like that. It's good.

Oh my!

I feel the world stop,
Move me.
Move me!
They say I'm crazy.
Well I guess that they'd be right
If I were
Just a little closer to the sun
We'd all burn up.

I feel my cold hands,
Touch me.
Touch me!
This silent song is
Way past singing and I can't
Remember
The chorus but you can sing along
And help me learn.

I feel my heart beat
Breathe.
Keep breathing!
Don't you know I've
Always loved that breath it keeps me
Awake all night
And if anyone ever asks just say
"She's in love."

I feel the world stop,
Move me.
Breathe me!
In and out like a liquid
Like a perfume that you can't get
Enough of.
And every clever thing I thought up
I told you first.

That poem doesn't make a lot of sense at all. Probably because it's just a bunch of words that I let stream out. It could be better, but it's not. I wrote it on the spot.

And just like my story

That I guess I should let him read. I'm nearly positive now that I'll blog it! YES! That's it! I'll blog it! Then everyone will know everything exactly, and of Meira's dear Aleksandr, which equates, in real life, to my Chris.

The best and sweetest advice came from Ari. I love Ari. He loved me so calm and sensible that I was the one who forced it known, and I was the one who made him say it. Maybe it was to stroke my ego, or maybe to move it past. Seems like I'm perfect for everyone, and everyone's two steps away from perfect for me. Perfect friends. One perfect love. One perfect.

Ari said, basically, not to worry. Ari didn't push me in any one direction, he was just happy. He said, basically, to let God lead me where I needed to go. He said, basically, everything I already knew. I wish someone would tell me something besides what I already know. But I will say this, Ari said not to worry if I saw things that were not so pleasing, he said to stick in there, basically. Basically, he said to be strong. Ari knows all about being strong, but you'd never guess it from looking at him from the outside. I don't think even he knows quite how strong he is, but he's withstood so many trials and so much pain. He is so amazingly strong. I can't quite explain it. So thianks to Ari.

And I'll tell you who else I love: Chris! Chris is great! He's so talented and amazing! I can't believe, sometimes, the way he loves me. It just begs that you return that love. I always thought that I would marry him. It's funny how lots of little things that I've said, if only to myself, that were things that I'd find in my husband are slowly being revealed in him. But, I'm only 16. That's right! ONLY 16! So I needn't be worried over marriage.

Ah, I feel clean.

I'm Dead Today

I'm dead today,
But you won't notice
As I still look alive.
The colour hasn't left my face yet,
There's a glimmer in my eyes.
I left this world in love,
Feverish and mad,
Scratching at the walls
So as not to cut my skin.
And break my promises to him.

I guess he loved me after all.

I'm going to take you with me.
I'm going to make sure you're good and gone
And I'll come back fulfilled
When you're not breathing, still.

One more glass of lovely wine
I'll drink myself in love tonight
I'll drink myself to death tonight
I'll drink you in and every moment.
I'll lay under the stars tonight
And you'll come kiss my lips
And wake me up.